Main Sticking Points in Recovery From a Relationship with a Narcissist

Credits: MindBodyGreen

 

I found this article written by Sharon Pope, a certified life coach, on MindBodyGreen really interesting because it happened to most of us or could happen to any of us. She mentions the following main sticking points in recovery from a relationship with a narcissist.

Here are the three main sticking points

1. Perhaps your narcissist told you that all the problems in the relationship were your fault — and you believed it. Since you believe that you are the source of all the problems, you believe that you can and should fix them. You can change. You can become the person they need you to be so that you can get them back.

None of that is true. And, since what a narcissist wants is a moving target, no matter what you turn yourself into, it still won’t be enough. You need to focus on getting your strength back so that your next relationship feels like love to you.

2. If you’re a romantic person, you may tend to see people for who they could be rather than who they actually are. You may see greater potential in your partner than in yourself. If you’ve dated a narcissist, you might place them on an unearned pedestal that has blinded them to the truth of who they are.

Instead, become genuinely curious about how your partner interacts with others. When you become the observer, you can detach, gain a broader perspective, and see the truth more clearly.

3. You might be looking for closure, and it won’t come. When a relationship with a narcissist ends, you will be tempted to try to understand what went wrong and to explain the pain you’re feeling. A narcissist isn’t capable of understanding, acknowledging, or validating your pain. You don’t need to say it more clearly, find the right words, or raise the volume, because your narcissist can’t hear you.

When a relationship with a narcissist ends, healing must take place in order to move past the pain and avoid attracting a similar partner in the future, thereby extending the cycle and, inevitably, the struggle. Because the charming personality and beguiling allure of a narcissist are appealing on deep levels, guidance from a trained professional can be immensely helpful.

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